x x
2012 is almost half gone, down the vacuum of History, softly and gently with a quiet 'whoosh'. It disappeared so very quickly that I could barely catch a glimpse of it as it got swallowed away.

It made me deal with a lot of things, things I never imagined I would live through without exquisite angst and wallowing around. On second thought, yes I guess I did whine and whinge about things a little but I'm glad I scraped through, with self-control intact. Things I didn't think would happen again did happen again. This time the choice is difficult to make, because I am no longer that naive girl, I am no longer that starry-eyed girl, I am no longer... pure. But I suppose even then, I am just another stupid girl. I will always be that stupid girl. And that's fine. That's okay.
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First year as a university student is over and I feel strangely numb. None of that exuberant joy nor worn-out social lethargy from being, pardon my colloquialism, 'happening'. I have gotten used to expressions of surprise whenever I mention the fact that I have made almost zero (new) friends in university. It's gotten to a stage in life where relations start to feel contrived and fake. Everything starts to seem to always be for some self-interested motive, self-enriching purpose. Not that I'm making any sort of moral judgement on it, I guess that's the way life goes. That's the way society works. We start to look at people by focusing on their social standings, occupations, their worldly possessions, their intellect, experience and so on. In the end it's always what we can gain from others. None of that brash headiness and unthinking 'mixing it up' any longer. In fact we kinda have places to relive that sort of thing (to a limited extent). They're called clubs. Night clubs. You put alcohol in your body and turn on the flashing lights in darkened rooms so the little details, tiresome details don't really matter. Then again, all we get from that sort of experience with other humans - little more than a brief illusion of invincibility, a vague sense of unenlightened euphoria, like stuffing a handful of tissues into the hole of a leaking pipe.

I have rambled on far too much, I apologize. Some times words just come gushing out when I don't intend them to, and some times they fail me when I desperately need them. Mouth open, a gaping silence.

(Via x)
There are some kinds of hurt that pour quietly into one's soul, dark and smooth and red. There are some kinds of wounds that remain open, even after all this time. Gaping and yawning, almost like a lazy gash on canvas, haphazard scribblings on lines on lines upon lines. There's a tender kind of pain, so gentle and exquisite. It twists wasted metal into towering scraps. Gentle pain, tender pain.

Shots in the dark by empty guns
never heard by anyone.

( It's all just static in my head )
Finals are overrrrr and I'm getting rid of my photo backlog bit by bit. Losing touch with my 600D :( I want new lens!

Anyway I won a pair of tix to HoMin's Asia Fan Party @ Indoor Stadium! It's on the same day as paintball session though, so if I really do go it'll be so rushed and I hate being rushed... Plus it'd be 10000000000000000% better if DB5K would be together again, ah well.

More photo dumps to come!

( Supermarket warriors++ (Photo dump of iPod-shot pix) )
<1 Week to finals & I'm having major wanderlust (as always) and an abundance of plans.

A semester just flew by like that - I know I'm going to miss the 3-Japanese-tutorials/weekly cycle, attending Prof Yoshi's lectures (always a pleasure), those unexpectedly fun times we have during Japanese tutorials, GEK1045 lectures, my lovely EC1101E grpmates...

Running through cycles too quickly. I don't like that. That means I'm going to have to fill in those big blanks in my life soon.